Welcome to Bean's World
I’m starting to notice my blessings…

So last Monday I get a phone call from my Motherhood LSM asking if I’d be interested in working in the actual Motherhood store and of course I say ‘heack yeah!’ (just to back track a lil.. I was worried this morning about the stability/security of said job - I worried for naught :)) So I finish at bingo, go to Macy’s then to the Motherhood store.. it was a good day a 3rd job!!

Fast forward to this Monday (today) last night I sent a text to the bingo place last night letting them know that I couldn’t make it in to work - I figured I’d give them lots of advance instead of waiting until the morning to call out - two hours later I get a text basically saying ‘why aren’t you coming to work/you need to work when scheduled/you’re fired’ and for once I am okay with it.  I sort of knew it was coming.. and I will be alright.  I look at it as a sign.. I did not need to be 7months pregnant trying to work 3 jobs, working everyday would’ve been super hard on me…

I’ve caught up all of my bills and being a paycheck short won’t set me back at all so I don’t have anything to stress about as far as my bills go.. I just can’t enjoy all of the fast/bad food that i have been lately lol which is also a good thing, no need to get unnecessarily fat.

The Motherhood job(s) are a much better fit for me since I do 98% of my work at both locations all by myself.. :)

I know, I know.. its been a couple of weeks.  I’ve been a little busy..

I got myself a bangin’ ass second job ($12/hr) and my schedule having two jobs is great— I’m off every night AND on weekends! I still haven’t told either job that I’m expecting and they haven’t even noticed yet (I’m in my 3rd trimester lol)

I went out a couple of weeks ago with my ex and I had a blast.. I haven’t talked to him though in over a week and I’m devastated but I don’t blame him… GOSH do I want him/miss him

man am I over being pregnant! July can’t come fast enough..

my brother has absolutely no self-control. it is sooo very frustrating!! and its not just his cigs and drinking that is out of hand.. he can’t even control himself enough to leave my things alone!  I’m pregnant and I have cravings that are very well known.. ice cream is my thing and sometimes its all I want to eat.  here is where the problem is.. I had bought 3 things of ice cream.. 1.5 of those I let him have.  my mom buys me 2 more things of ice cream and I tell my brother right off jump he CAN NOT have any of the new stuff.  what does he do anyway? he asks if he could have some, I say no, he goes behind my back and eats most of it and tries to make it seem like he didn’t. he really thinks I’m stupid/blind/dumb/whatever.  this isn’t just it.  every time I cook a big pot of something that would last anyone else a week he manages to eat in a day.  why can’t he realize that just because there is food in here doesn’t mean it needs to get immediately devoured.  he makes more money that I do and he works at a place where he can get free food everyday, yet I am always the one who has to come out of pocket for food and things because he won’t.  everything he has gets spent at the bar/gas station/ abc store. 

its like he is playing a sick mind fuck on me because there are times that I feel bad for not wanting to live with him and I even start to think ‘hey, its not that bad, we CAN live together’ but then shit like this happens and I can’t get away from him fast/soon enough.  I really need to stick to my guns and get the hell up out of here because my brother is holding me back I feel like.  he is way to absorbed in himself to even begin to notice the damage he causes.  he is essentially robbing me of my hard earned money, money I barely have to cover my basic needs.  I can’t become the woman I know I can living with him.  what sucks the most is, he could care less how much he negatively impacts me as long as he gets what he wants and gets to keep everything of his to himself he is fine and everyone else can figure out their own way.

this is it.  my move out date may be much sooner than anticipated….

some updates

I found a new better part time job! It pays more and it won’t be too hard on me because its an office position :) So now I have two jobs that work out for me and I can start saving some money.

I finally confessed that I will need a paternity test to find out who my baby’s father really is because I’m not 100% sure.  I just don’t know how to tell the ex or if I should tell the ex.  The other guy I don’t have any contact with so I could care less he’ll find out if he’s the father or not after he gets tested, I’m not going to say anything to that dirtbag before then.

Finally have a tentative date for my baby shower now all I have to do is come up with a guest list for my mom.  I’m getting more and more excited for this little guy’s arrival every day.  I even decided completely on his name.  Mckenzy Silas Spencer :) Mack will be his nickname.. its perfect!

That about somes up my news.. not much news lol

old flame..

St. Paddy’s Day my parents are downtown at Shamrock the Block and run into the ex.  Of course, my mom calls me to inform me then proceeds to go on and on about how good he looks and how awesome he’s doing.  I wanted to hear none of it as I felt that I was just starting to get over the kid (well over the fact that I would have no chance of getting back with him now that I’m pregnant) I had just deleted his number out of my phone a night or two before and then I get his text.  I instantly miss him and everything that I every felt for him came rushing back. damn.

This guy is my dream; everything I ever said I wanted in a guy is in him and he’s is sooo good looking.  We’ve talked a couple of times and last night he asked if I had wanted to get a quick bite with him. I debated for a while I really wanted to see him but I don’t want to see him at the same time.  Although I’m six months pregnant if I wear certain things you would never know as I am not big at all.  I just don’t know how to go about telling him if I should tell him at all.

I do really want to be around him though.  I miss him bad.. tings weren’t horrible between us I just didn’t know how to deal with my feelings and I kinda went crazy when I found that I had let my guard down with him.  Straight up, I ruined things but I’m crazy about him.  Now I can’t stop thinking about him, seeing him, hanging out with him, being next to him….. Well last night I rain checked him because I’m a coward but hopefully next Friday he’ll want to hang out with me still and I didn’t blow things yet again. I would just die…

he makes my heart go pitter-patter big time


So I gave the two job thing a go for a while and I’ve come to two conclusions; the second job was extremely unprofessional (got out before I ended up in too deep) and I can’t be working like this while pregnant.  So I quit the second job.  Its cool, my money situation will work out some sort of way. Hopefully..

Now all I need to do is start a budget and come up with some kind of plan…


This might as well be the place I decide to reveal my pregnancy. LOL. Yeah, I’m having a baby this summer, a baby boy.  I just found out what I was having a couple of days ago and ever since then I have been a little more excited than I have been.  Its starting to sink in that I’m going to be a mom.  A good mom hopefully..

I’m not sure why I haven’t shared this news with any of my friends (except my bestie) I don’t know why I can’t talk about it with my peers.  I thinks its because I’m ashamed/embarassed, I’m not sure, but when I want to tell someone I don’t. I talk myself out of it.  The people that do know are very excited for me - everyone said it was a boy or knew I kinda really wanted a boy. I should probably pick up a book or start looking into taking a class or something so that I can be prepared for when the baby comes.. I just want July to hurry up and get here so that this can be over and I can go on.  I’m finding being pregnant to be really very disturbing..I’m not enjoying it one bit and ever since I found out I wanted to it be over.  Isn’t this supposed to be a happy time?  Wonder why it isn’t so happy for me..

Alright, so its been a couple of days since I started back working and while the first job is going pretty good the second I’m not so sure about.  The first job works the best for me because I’m pretty much an independent vendor and so I get to work alone.  And the schedule I have at the first job rocks my socks! - the days and times are the same week after week AND its close! so no spending $50+ a week on gas.  Now the second job is a very unprofessional establishment.  Its not a very consistent place - everyone kinda marches to their own drum.  The employees are inappropriate and immature and they gossip way too much.  There’s also a lot of whispering by the boss that is very uncomfortable (not to mention his b.o. and breath lol).  I’m just unsure if its something that I want to continue on with at this time.  I’m going to sleep on it.. I don’t need it THAT bad, ya know?

winning!! FINALLY!!!

This morning while I was picking up doggie doodie I got the call that I got the job that I interviewed for yesterday!!!!  I am sooo excited and relieved and happy!  I can finally put my umbrella away because the sun is shinning on me!  This second job wants to put me on a management career path of sorts so I am starting off as a part time associate then I’ll be a key holder after a little while I’ll be a supervisor and then eventually I will run my own store because the business is growing for this company and they have store openings happening this year and next year (I’d like to be the store manager at the one that opens next year).  This is soooooo good for my self-esteem and self-worth I can’t even begin to explain!  I can start making some plans and getting ready for everything that is going to happen in July.

I am hoping that my progression with this second company will be a slow one of sorts so that I can get a grasp of things like I did at Bruster’s in high school.  I worked there two years almost by the time I made it to assistant manager and ever since then I wanted a similar opportunity - its what works for me, I know it.  Hopefully I’ll be able to work part-time at both of these jobs for a couple of months - having the two paychecks will allow me to save up so much money in this short amount of time and the schedule would work out for me.  Working 9-5 jobs don’t sit well with me; something that I just can’t do lol I can handle mall hours.

I wonder what my third awesome thing will be…??..  because you know things like this happens in three’s :-D

happy hump day!

today, after 2 months and 4 days (I HAVE been counting) of unemployment I return to work!  It is just a part-time job but I believe its a perfect fit for me.  After training I will be working independently setting the maternity sections in Macy’s and Sears. :-D!  The lady I report to is one of those traveling district managers so I will be working all by myself!

What makes today even nicer is right after my first day I have an interview! So hopefully here soon I will have two part-time jobs!! Both of them in the same mall! And do I do love those mall hours.. fingers and toes crossed for this second job.. I really need this, my self-esteem is wilting…